My Life's Journey

wondering

2007-11-11T07:05:46Z

You don't know just how much it hurts to be me...

I can't tell you why or how or when...
It's just that, my future is not where my dream is...
My dream is to be with the person whom I shall love...
Forever in his arms, rain or shine, easy or hard times, good or bad, we should always be together....
He should always love me...and only me...
where are you now?
when will you arrive?
when will you save me?
who are you?

bleh

2007-10-28T07:46:19Z

I HATE MY LIFE...

I care

2007-10-26T00:52:08Z

I'm not writing this because I want another post in my blog. No. I'm writing this because I care. Last night, as I was scanning the channels in the television, my attention was caught by one documentary. I wasn't sure what snowy place that was(Greenland, I suppose?!). It showed a group of sientists, studying a family of polar bears. The big bear has two cubs and all of them were put to sleep.
Then, it flashed some images of dead polar bears and some polar bears trying to swim but eventually drowned. How horrible! They have beeen cannibalizing each other due to the lak of food. The continuous global warming cause the polar bears, who weere supposed to be marine mammals, to drown!
Global warming has caused the ice, which is supposed to be the polar bears' key to survival, to melt A LOT in just a span of time.
I only wish I could do something to help. It is not just the polar bears' lives which are affected. Everyone is affected. All we can do now is pray.
Please. Just say you care because I do. I care.

pretentious

2007-10-25T01:16:49Z

Have you ever felt like you just couldn't trust anyone around you?
Well, I have...always.
Every single day I see people laugh, cry, smile and pout.
I don't believe that's what they really feel inside.
I'm the type of person who can see deep inside another person and see what they see or feel what they feel.
*shrug* Creepy, right?!
Well, I consider it a (creepy!) gift.

This world is filled with HATRED;
This world is filed with LIES;
This world is filled with ILLUSIONS;
You can NEVER TRUST ANYONE.

Anyone can be someone;
Someone can be anyone.

another night

2007-10-24T11:53:53Z

I am currently trying to look up for a new layout for my friendster account..
I have come across some few artistic works

Some are sooo pink...
Some sre sooo black and emo...
Some, like this one I'm looking at right now, are so patheticly cute...
It says...The only exit is suicide...(Yeah, right!)
Some on the other hand are sooo corny... *shrug*

I am not yet finished but I really hope I'll find one soon.
Curse you hard-to-find layouts...Some don't even work!

Well..wish me luck! (I hear my mom calling me already...I am at the verge of getting banned from the computer..)

0.02.320.3

2007-10-23T05:58:00Z

I'm starting to miss everyone!
I can't go on writing too much.
I'm starting to feel tired...

Well, I guess this is it then...
The end of my entry...
P.S. I just pressed random numbers for the subject of this entry...:)

L-O-V-E's dream...

2007-10-22T06:08:56Z

who would you choose?
The one who makes you laugh when you most need it?
Or maybe the one who makes feel safe when you seem to be so alone?
Then, tell me - why?

The inevitable question - "why?"
Well, everything DOES happen for a reason.
Sometimes, we just have to find out what that reason is.

But then again, maybe it's just the way our lives SHOULD work out.
We should read our love life like a fairytale but we should always look forward to the future as if it is even more that just a permanent film script.

It's funny how love works sometimes. You can start by hating someone so much, then somehow fall head over heals for them. Unpredictable love. Really unpredictable.
Every girl has a dream.
Mine is to wake up to the sound of stones being thrown at my bedroom window and see the boy I love standing in the rain, asking me for another chance...

Just kidding...

My real dream is to have money - lots and lots of money...:P

our life.our love.our story.our sanctuary.♥

2007-10-21T08:28:01Z

Why do we always have to choose?
♥
Why do we always have to suffer?
♥
Why do we always have to recall?
♥
Why do we always have to settle?
♥
Why do we always have to pretend?
♥
Isn't there any easier route we could take in life?
We could go on walking and walking in circles and never get to our destination.
Life is so challenging. But even if it IS difficult, we should never give up.
Stand up for what you believe in!
We shouldn't stop trying. Who knows what will happen next if we stop?
♥ ♥ ♥
There are some people in this world who still care.
No matter what happens, they will be there beside you.
These people are what we call our friends.
They will never walk out on you.
♥ ♥ ♥
Love, however, doesn't stay forever.
It comes and it goes but if it stays, then it's true.♥
♥ ♥ ♥
We just want to love that one forever.
♥ ♥
We just want to love that one unconditionally.
♥ ♥
We just want to love that one and never get hurt.
♥ ♥
We just want to love...♥ ♥ ♥
♥
It makes us feel safe and protected.
♥
Wrap me in your arms and tell me that you will never leave me.
Stay with me as I sleep and be my guardian angel.
♥ ♥ ♥
Love me. I don't care how. Just love me.
I need it so badly right now.
§ ♥ § ♥ § ♥ ♥ ♥

♥maybe if i just stand around here, love will come to me...♥♥♥

♥

2007-10-20T07:53:10Z

oh my gosh!
It's sem break already!
haay naku!

antok pa rin ako...

battle with the rain***

2007-10-18T01:25:13Z

Ugh!
The exams for the day have just ended and it was raining cats and dogs outside.
Why does it always have to be rainy these days?!
After a few, hilarious minutes with my friends in the library, I desperately sought for someone to go home with - preferably someone with an umbrella.
After some desperate minutes of going in and out every classrooms and going up and down the stairs, asking everyone I know if they have seen Jean or Allen or Sherie, I finally found Jean in my 3rd visit to the girl's CR.
I asked her if she was going home already then she said yes - right after she has photocopied her classmate's book in Trigonometry because she lost hers.
Then, I went with her to the library.
We then made all effort trying to push through everyone in our way.
After that, we saw Allen, the ever crazy-and-kind-Manny-Pacquiao-look-alike-top-student friend of ours. He was jotting down the notes in English and we invited him to come home with us.
After a few minutes of telling Allen every second to write and not talk, we then made our way outside the school gate.
It was getting dark when Allen went back to the gate since he told us earlier he left his notebook.
Honestly? How long does it take for one person to get a notebook from the library?!
It was raining VERY hard as we made our way to the block's corner.
I desperately tried to avoid every droplet of rain but seeing as I couldn't, I just let myself get wet.
Ten minutes has passed and there was still no jeep...
Allen then told us that he had to do something and he went back to the school.
Seeing that it was something important, we let him go back.
After another five minutes, we decided to fetch him.
We were almost at the gate when he told us to go ahead since he was going to do something for the High School Days.
It was still raining hard and the cold wind blew as Jean and I were shouting at him, telling him he wasted our time, letting us wait and wait, when we could've been home by now.
He was saying sorry over and over again and with our kind hearts, we forgave him...
Then, (thank God!) a jeep passed and Jean and I rode in it - getting wet even more.
I rode in the van, chilled to the bones. I was dripping wet!
Mercifully, I didn't catch a cold...
When I went to sleep last night, I have however came to like the rain and the sound it was making on the roof.
I came to realize that no matter how hard we try to avoid the rain, we will still get wet even more.
Just like love. We keep on shutting it out of our life but it keeps on catching up with us every time. Our feelings for a person will grow stronger if we keep on denying it.
Love will come to us. No one is safe from it. And that's the good thing about it. We all need a little bit of love in our lives. We will all feel it, when the time comes.

*maybe if i sit here way up in the sky, i could find love***

stream of emotions...

2007-10-16T00:39:14Z

It's another one of those Oh-my-gosh-I-can't-take-it-anymore days...
It's our periodical examinations...and I still find the time to write in my journal!
Well, no one's around anyway...and to think I'm an honor student!
I actually memorize things better when I'm cramming...weird!
Yeah. Well, I'm still a bit sleepy but hey! It's going to be our semester break next week. Yup! Just right after the exams. It's always been that way in our school.
***
I've currently achieved opening multiple tabs in my computer. Bad girl! You should be studying! But, how could I still study when I've already memorized all of those Latin American music, Volleyball hand signals, MS Visual Basic Properties and the Punic Wars of Rome and Carthage? It's bad when you fill your head with these things - you might go a little crazy in the head. Oh God! None of my friends are online. *yawn*
***
I've got a lot of problems going on in my life right now - and I don't show it...I write it! I'm currently worried about my two best friends. They're blinded by boys. Oh! Curse those little worthless beings! They don't even have the time for me anymore! Yesterday, I didn't eat lunch - again - because of them! You see, I went to the Headmaster's Office for some class officer matter. When we all went back, they were not in their room and I asked my classmates if someone looked for me and they told me no one did. They didn't even text me! They know very well whom I have my lunch with - them! And they too know that I don't eat my lunch when they're not there. So, anyways, I stayed in the classroom for the remaining hour. I then accompanied Diane to the canteen downstairs. We went to the library first and guess what?! They were there - reading magazines, sitting on the couch and relaxing! Then, they asked me if I already ate and so I was taken aback. Huh?! I just said "Not yet." while my chest was about to swell up and explode.
***
When Diane and I went back upstairs, my classmates asked if I had eaten lunch already and when I said no, they all asked me why - oh the inevitable question! I was standing in front of Ate Sam and Sherie as they were asking me what happened - I was about to cry. Mark suddenly pulled his chair beside Ate Sam and told me to tell him - "it'll be OK" he said. So, driven by emotion, I suddenly shouted out "KASI ANG DAMING NAKAKABWISIT NA TAO DIYAN!!!" (THAT'S BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF ANNOYING PEOPLE AROUND!!!). Everyone looked at me and was suddenly concerned - "Why would a sweet, nice girl such as her be very mad?! Who did this to her?" I took a seat and began writing in my notebook - again. But really - Lourdes, on cue, passed by our room and went inside as I shouted. Thinking it was her I shouted at, she approached me and asked if I was mad at her. (Isn't it obvious??!) I said no and she replied' "OK."
***
OK?OK?OK?!!
That's all she could say??!
And to think she's one of my two best friends!!!
Knowing that she's not the one I'm mad at is OK for her?! So is that it? She wouldn't even ask what the matter with me is??!
And to think Mark even cared!
Mark - the person I was never really on good terms with.
If I die, that should be in their consciences.
I thought they care - well, they don't...
And now, the people whom I NEVER thought would care are the ones comforting me right now, looking out for me right now and caring for me right now...
I don't know if I should be grateful to those people who care or be mad at my "best friends"...
I am all alone in this world - don't they know that?!
Don't they know what misery and pain I hide in me?!
Well, they don't know my past...I never had any friends - they all envied me and so fought with me...
I hate my past...I hate my old school...
Just when I thought I had REAL friends...Good job pretending guys!
I'm really proud of you - you should be in the Dramatics Guild...
Pretending you care wasn't hard for you, was it??!
Well, you have already hurt me...You can't bring me back...

GOODBYE...

:D

2007-09-27T11:42:31Z

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
I really had sooo much fun...
I think my hair still smells like chocolate cake!
harhar....Last year, there was a super typhoon Milenyo on my birthday...harhar...
how unlucky!
Well...at least my birthday now was a blast!

Nothing

2007-09-16T09:21:14Z

wala lang...
i don't feel much like being happy today...
it's gonna be Monday tomorrow and we've got lots and lots of quizzes..
Life can be SO UNFAIR!!!
But still...

it's life

PROBLEMATIC!!!

2007-09-15T06:28:52Z

gonna be my birthday!
gonna be my birthday!
we're going to have an overnight values formation at the end of the month...probably on the 28th...
us third years are gonna be the first
batch...ARE WE REALLY THAT PROBLEMATIC AND UNRULY??!
hey!
it's not us...the teachers always file a case on my classmates in 3-argon when in fact my classmates have done NOTHING WRONG!
i wonder what's wrong with them??!
and our principal's already a PAIN IN THE NECK!
corruption is what we call it...imagine!
550 pesos for a tour to Naga City and our lunch was a tiny chicken and the rice was even harder than the plastic spoon and fork!
and now they're asking 140 pesos for the electric bill...when we thought it was already in the tuition fee??!
and i thought the agreed amount was only 60 pesos...!
aaargh!!!
whew!
and now i'm having some problems with my BEST FRIENDS 'coz they seem to have changed and don't seem to care about me anymore...after all i've done for them...
and i thought it doesn't matter how long you've been friends??!

intramurals!^_^

2007-09-05T00:32:37Z

wheee!!!

we have no formal classes today....
i'm currently home today..
i didn't feel like going to school...
i'll attend tomorrow...

anyways,,
it's our intramurals!!!

'yawn' i'm still sleepy..
g'bye!

hOOraY!!!

2007-08-17T00:15:29Z

'yawn'
last test day!last test day!
what??! can't you at least be happy for me??!
you know,, for a high school student, the last day of the quarterly examinations means last day of torture..
in other words, TOMORROW WE ARE GOING TO BO FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!
and on Monday,,there's still no classes!!
wheee!

it's Ninoy Aquino Day...
yes!! no need to wake up early and hurry to school for the flag ceremony..
no need to listen to the Discipline Officer's babbling...
no need to bathe in our own sweat and be exposed to the heat of the sun...
no need to worry...

i love life!!!

can't..feel brain.......so...n-n-numb...

2007-08-16T00:42:39Z

weeeeeeeeeee!!

we talked yesterday...
yup! my enemy and i...
looks like it was just a misunderstood situation..
the news got out so quickly that i cried yesterday...
i am sometimes very amazed by how news spreads out sooo quickly!!!

well, anyways.. i was really,really happy yesterday...
aside from the horrible exams and annoying cheaters,,,
my day WAS still pretty good........ ;)

today's tests.....

GEOMETRY...how could i be worried??!
ENGLISH.....oh, come on! it's as easy as one,two,three!
HEALTH,,,,(death song playing) nobody listens every health period!!
everyone's too busy talking with each other or sleeping
to listen to Mr. Monis and the assigned reporters.......
well,,i guess i have to study..again and again and again.......

ugh!!!!
well, at least after the exams this week,,,it's all school activities!!!
wheeeeeeeee!
school intramurals,,Buwan ng Wika,,CMLI,,semestral break!!
wheeeeeee!

but still,,
i am sick and tired of studying!!!
NOOOOOOO!
anyone??!
please save me!!!!!!!
i beg of you!!
please??!

i'm gonna kill you!!!!!!BEWARE!
hehehe just kidding!!

And Once Again........i hate school - the studying part only!!

2007-08-15T01:13:56Z

aaaaaaaaargggh...
it's our periodical test week already..

get this..
every non-academic subject that we had was changed into academic subjects!!

they say it's for us to study more
don't they know that it only makes us more lazy???!
i hate subjects in school..
i haven't even passed some of the requirements yet..

it's their own fault for telling us to submit the requirements
either on the day of the submission or a day or two before the deadline..

don't they know that we have a lot of subjects to study for??!

i hate it when teachers give a lot of assignments and projects,,
aargh!!
i don't want to study anymore..
my brain feels numb already but i have got to..
everybody expects me to pass...
don't they know it's hard for honor students to pass too?
we're not the most intelligent people in the world..
we just understand the lesson more and care about our grades more..

we don't just answer and get perfect scores automatically...
we find it hard also..

smart people get tired too,,you know...

this is a tribute to the girl i hate the most and to my dear friends

2007-08-15T01:00:20Z

how dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hate you....
my friends told me to just forgive you but how could i?!
i have been forgiving you and have been pretty patient with you for three whole years now !!!!!!!

why don't you just admit it was your fault instead of trying to wriggle out of that situation which was OBVIOUSLY your fault?!!!
trying to blame it on me,huh?!!
you know you gave the board to another person...
you yourself did it...
i told you i'll take it home but nooooooooo...
you volunteered and gave it to another person instead.....

you don't know i hate you...
and you also don't know that EVERYBODY HATES YOU!!!!!!!!

I HATE YOU,,I HATE YOU,, I HATE YOU.
everyone does..
why don't you change yourself for the better!?????!!!!!

for everyone who were with me yesterday and calming me down while i was crying,,,,,,,,THANK YOU....
i love you !!!
in your time of need,, remember
that i'll also always be here for you..
thank you to the following,,,
Nica
Lourdes
Tiffany
Melissa
Emi
Hazel
Diane
Allen
Jean
Glenn
and to everyone else......

T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never Gone - Always There

2007-08-08T11:39:33Z

When I am down, they are there. When I am angry, they are there. When I am happy, they're still there. In every important thing that happens in my life, they're always there to care for me, to support me, to encourage me, to lift me up and to love me. Nica and Lourdes - my friends, my guides to life, my angels.
First of all, there's Nica - Mary Dominique D. Uy. She’s my cut, chubby and cheerful chinita best friend. She’s like “my personal sunshine”. She’s the only one who could make me laugh – nonstop! Maybe that’s the reason why she also laughs nonstop. See the connection already?!! You may think she’s always like that but believe me; she knows how to be serious and when to be serious.
Then there’s Lourdes – Ma. Lourdes A. Altavano. She prefers her nickname, Alou. But really, I’m used to calling her Lourdes – why change now? If Nica’s “my personal sunshine”, she’s “my personal teddy bear”. I know I always play around with her but that’s just my way of expressing how much she means to me. One thing about her is that she always looks stern. Don’t be scared! Really. Deep down…oh wait! There IS no deep down! Just kidding. But seriously, Lourdes is a nice, caring and understanding person. That’s why she’s my personal teddy bear – cute in the outside and soft in the inside!
Whenever I feel down, they cheer me up by singing whatever they could think up of. Most of the time it’s “oh why don’t you smile my only star…” When I’m mad, they calm me down by hugging me and telling jokes – most of which are about Lourdes. And when I’m feeling happy – which is often – they make me even happier by telling more jokes which are obviously about Lourdes again.
I really don’t know how to thank them enough. They always said that “actions speak louder than words”. But I never really liked playing charades in this casino of life. All I know now is that our friendship means very much to me and that it will never change. No one and nothing could ever get in the way of our friendship.
I still don’t know if this is enough gratitude. But for now, to Nica and Lourdes, my best friends and my angels, THANK YOU.

Three Cheers for the New Feature Writer

2007-08-06T11:23:01Z

I PASSED!I PASSED!I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm soooooooooo thankful i passed..actually, the results were posted just last,last week..
exams are coming in a week's time..
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

'grunt'
well, at least we don't have classes this Wednesday..it's our university saint's feast day..St. Dominic de Guzman
Allen's birthday's tomorrow..harhar
i'm actually currently fighting with a cold right now.
it's pretty rainy these days..ugh!

well..i'm ,as always, looking forward to my birthday.
it's next month...
wheee!!

The Prism Zone

2007-07-01T06:29:47Z

Pray for me to pass...
I just joined the screening for The Prism, our school paper.
I took up Feature Writing..
We were asked to write about the person/s most special to us...

I wrote about my two best buds...Nica and Lourdes.
I felt really happy and touched as I was writing my essay.
I realized how important our friendship is..
At the last part I wrote,,"they say actions speak louder than words. But I never really liked playing charades in this casino of life..."

Now,,I don't really care whether or not I pass the screening. All that matters are my friends. I don't write to be recognized. Unlike other people, I write beacause I like to write. Writing is my passion. Writing is my expression. Writing is me...

paulinebianca @ 2007-06-12T13:40:00

2007-06-12T05:58:53Z

Summer's almost over. . . WEll... at least it's going to be.
When our school's principal formally announces the sch00l year open, THEN summer would be over. Goodbye late night TV..
goodbye waking up late.. goodbye relaxing..
goodbye surfing the net endlessly.. goodbye. .goodbye.. goodbye..

Well, no one can do anything about it, can they? 'coz if they can I'd give anything...
it's again the time of year where we students meet new teachers and
(ugh!) quizzes.. another 10 months or so to daydream and absentmindedly do things that hopefully wouldn't embarass me,myself and I...
TTYTT,, i do this thing when the principal announces the SY open. I remove this woven, beaded bracelet which I wear
ONLY during the summer or on
fashion emergencies..

well then.........
wiSh.mE.lucK..
('',) g0odbYE suMmErtiME..
hEll0 nEw scH0olyEAr!..

My Fairytale

2007-06-06T05:43:47Z

I need to find prince charming
I need to have my happy ending
A knight in shining armour, that'll do
A magic carpet ride or
A fairytale come true
Yet just dreaming of these things
'Coz I still haven't found you...

paulinebianca @ 2007-06-04T08:27:00

2007-06-04T00:44:28Z

I wish I had a fairytale ending. . .
Make that an anime ending. . .
Never mind the you-got-to-catch-all-the-cards-before-they-destroy-the-world thing or the pour-some-hot-choco-in-this-mug-and-make-a-wish-so-a-fairy-will-appear thing.
In the end, they all gat to have their respective prince charmings.
Unlike in the real worlds where the only thing you could do is sit and admire him from a distance. He doesn't even KNOW your name!