My Life's Journey

I'm Eileen/黃愛玲. I will be 27 years old next month. I'm currently in Taipei, Taiwan. :) I realize not many people know of Taiwan and that alone inspired me to document my stay there. 台灣雖美, 卻無人知. 於是我就開始寫部落格來分享我在台灣的美麗回憶. My husband was born and raised in Taipei. I've met his relatives, friends, and elementary classmates. I've experienced things not many foreigners can experience. I'm loving Taiwan. I enjoy eating at vendors, shopping for Taiwanese fashion, learning Taiwanese culture, and surrounding myself with the language. I'm always listening to A-Mei/張惠妹; I sing along despite I am tone deaf. =O! I'm just a girl who likes to travel. 我只是個愛旅行的女孩. I mainly type in English, but I sometimes like to practice typing Chinese (traditional). I'm here to make new friends!

 "You know what I've noticed?" Roger, my therapist, asked during one of our Sunday afternoon sessions.

"No." I said, resolutely, "What?"

"Rorschach Inkblots look like shit. And I'm not saying, 'shit' as in how you feel when you look in the mirror after a hangover induced by one too many shots of tequila and loose women. I'm saying I think they look like literal, from my ass, shit smears. I've always thought that. Even in school when Dr. Fowler would make us memorize all the pictures and their meanings, I remember thinking, 'I could go take a dump right now, wipe my ass, and tack the toilet paper up on the wall. That'll show 'em!' I'd wager that's probably what ole Rorschach did anyway, took a bunch of shits and made something meaningful out of 'em. Then he died and his shit became famous. Little did everyone know, he blew it all out his ass!" Roger then took this moment to laugh at his twist of words, while all I could do was stare blankly at the wall.  I couldn't look at him now, not like this, "That's all psychology is anyway, just a bunch of shit tacked up on a wall and made famous by dead guys. At least, that's what I think anyway."

If I could take away all the pain you feel,
I would.
If I could make her love you so that your heart may heal,
I would.
I hope with everything that I possess
she will be yours so that you may rest.
Be at ease, my dear, for we're sure she does love you.
She knows how great you are, but you must, too.
We only hope that we are right
and she can help you through your plight.
Tell her how you feel,
though the thought makes your head reel.
It may be what she's waiting for,
for her to know she is the one that you adore.

Frustration.
It is an act of anger
It is an act of hatred
It is an act of impatience.
When those acts it creates something dark.
That darkness amplifies when the frustration builds
It builds, it creates more anger, hatred, and impatience
It climbs to its peak until...it explodes.
Like a volcano, raining the fragments of emotions turns anyone around the cause of it.
When the frustration explodes, who knows when it will be plugged. 



Hello everyone, I am new here and here's my first contribution for this group

I'm as dark as night in the middle of the day. I know that the state of the weather should not be a reflection of what is weathering inside of me, because first of all, the weather is obviously not directly related to a persons temperment, and if it did, that would make me devoid of all substance or self identity, right? The sun is shining, therefore I am bright. Maybe I should even hand you a yellow crayon, even 5 year olds know that suns are bright and yellow (and they never fail to draw the sun with a big smile).Yes, I know the statement is not meant to be dissected in its literal sense, but I like the dramatic feel of personification. I'm relating my mood to the weather, the external, except I'm stubborn enough to oppose it.The literary dramaticism of personification, with my own competitive twist; I could not have picked a more unfair competitor. The weather is so random, extremely moody, but I chose to involve myself with it.

I can't stand your arrogance.
I can't stand seeing your face, so smug, so cocky.
Thank God there's not another you in the world;
we'd be in trouble if there were.
Someday, someone's going to slap the smile off of your face
and I want to be there when they do.
Insignificant little boy dressed in a man's body,
trying to teach other little boys the ways of your game...
I wish you the worst of luck in your future endeavors.
I hope you leave from there the same way you left from here,
and I hope you become the butt of everyone else's jokes.
The only direction you can go now is down.
I look forward to seeing your fall from grace.

Like a comet tearing through the shadowy darkness of a night sky,
I sense myself losing the gaze of those once dear to me.
My radiance is fading, my essence drifting away.

I was a leaf blown in the wind,
held in warmth one moment, then released into the callous frost.
I was a drop of vitalizing rain, but now the sun has sucked me dry.

My time has ended.
My hunger is insatiable.
My thirst remains unquenched.
Like all others before me, I mean nothing now.
Is there no one who will lift me from the bottom?
Is there no one who will see my waning light?

The Mistress is ruthless and demanding.
Her arduous requirements are not easily met.
Yet I succeeded.
I did all there was to acquire her penetrating stare.
Even so, I find myself engulfed by the madness of the rejected.

My wounds will not heal.
My scars dictate my mentality.
My eyes have been sewn closed.
As I enter a world without the Mistress,
I sense an ominous presence beside me.

I wandered until I was lost.
Now I will never return.

The rapacity of the Mistress and my own ignorance.
Together, ruin is left in their wake.

Hey, so.
I'm Gabe, I'm 18.
This isn't my first LJ account, I've been around for 6 years or so in one form or another.
Right now I'm in my first year of university, located in Kitchener-Waterloo.
I'm a sociology major and loving it.

I want to be either an author or a dinosaur when I grow up.
My entries are mostly really long rants because I have way too much free time to think about shit.
I'm looking for people that actually update their journals fairly regularly that I can comment on and that will comment on my entries. I tend to write a lot very often.

Stuff that I write about will probably have something to do with gender, 'cause I'm transgendered and damn proud, or... just random relationship stuff and my adventures. I love talking to people about my experiences and sharing ideas and stuff, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Other than that... Yeah, I'm Gabe and I'm a dinosaur. What of it? 

Breathe in breathe out, think fast walk slow
Hand on her back, you see, they don’t know
Fight or flight? Walk away or struggle on?
Be calm, stay strong, this heart weighs a tonne.
Keep your eyes on the ground they haven’t seen you yet
Pretend your somewhere else don’t get so upset
Thinking in numbers, feeling in shapes
10, 9, 8, look for easy escapes
7, 6, 5, your laughter breaks me
Trapped in a prism, I can’t be set free
Falling off this triangle, I’m suspended in air
Your eyes linger as she threads fingers through hair
Only then do you see me, 4, 3, 2, 1
It’s too late, it’s over, the end has begun.

My name is Brittany. I'm a legal adult and I can do whatever I damn well please. Except, I can't rent a car? Whatever. I was born and raised in Destin, Florida. Where I have spent most of my life getting into the 'Spring Break' scene and partying until I throw up on a cops foot at the end of the night. Now, I'm a little more reserved.

I work in Psychiatric care and it's a fun field to be in. Besides the bumps and bruises that you get, it's still a fun experience.

I use my journal as an output for myself. So does anyone, right? Anyway- I post about my daily life and events that I go through. Usually they have a humorous twist to them. Because I enjoy humor in my life. I rarely take anything seriously and that shows through my entries.

I have one child. Well, to me she's my child. She's hairier than most. She's my Pomeranian. Her name is Heidi- and she is the love of my existence.

I'm moving away to Orlando in a few weeks. February 8th to be exact. Because I went on a whim and applied for a Disney Internship, and some how I got it? So, I will be living in Disney World for 7 months. Which should be interesting. Oh, how I'm going to enjoy working will all gay men. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a straight one. I won't get my hopes up on that.

I fail at relationships a lot. My friends say it's because I'm too picky. I'll get turned off by a guys laugh, the way he eats, and the way he sends 'LOL' after every text message. But, I don't know what it is. So, I post a lot about my trial and error with relationships. They tend to happen quite frequently.

I also post a lot of pictures- usually one with every entry if I'm not doing a massive picture dump.

I like to actually read my LiveJournal friends entries, and I love to comment. So, if we become friends.. expect a lot of those from me.

Anyway, let's be friends?

So I'm currently doing my best to pretend like I don't see that the guy from a semi-dating site/semi-friend site that I've never spoken to before has just IM'd me, by finding new things to do,lol. (Gawd I am such a pre-teen when it comes to men. DX lmao)

But since I've been going through posts and adding a few people I figured what a better way to procrastinate than to type up a post myself... Okay, yeah I just spent the last 2 hours updating my profile, so you should check that out. And if you think we'd get along or if you find me interesting leave me a comment here or in my journal and let's be friends. ;D

my mind feels like its at the base of a mushroom cloud.

Started out innocently
Ignored my instincts ignorantly
Sat down at your table awkwardly
and none said a word to me.
In class, I strayed toward you hopefully
Sat next to you unskillfully
Stayed silent, soundless, reluctantly,
for no one noticed me.
Weeks passed, months went over
Wished upon a four-leaf clover
"Pray give me some better friends
or my misery will never end."
Found my best friend full of promise
Can't believe I never noticed
She was there when I was down
and had been waiting for me to come around.
So I'm not going to sit here wasting
Spending my time hoping and waiting
No, I'll let you on your own
Oh, but I won't be alone.
And you can declare that you're sorry
but I won't believe your little story
Now it's too late for you to come around
for you have let me down.

I'm sorry I can never be what you want.
I'm me and only me; no one else.
You need to fill your void with other things while I...
While I take time to rest my weary soul.
I'm tired of your playthings, I'm tired of your soul
Breathing down my neck as I constantly cry out for help.
Someone will come, no one knows who.
He'll be here and you'll leave just like that.
Goodbye forever, my once and only friend.

It takes too much love to be a real human being.
Too much. "Just enough" is not enough.
It also takes too much greed and hunger,
Too much lust that can fill up a valley,
Too much passion that can burst a dam's mortars,
Too much memory building like a snowdrift
On a mountain's brow; too much pity,
so many pity-holes that a whole lake could fill them;
and, most of all, too much heart.
Too much, too much heart.
THere should be heart for every power of hearts
That ever existed, and guess what? Even more.
Too much love.
It takes too much love.

This is a particularly difficult time for you.
It feels as if your worst fears are becoming a reality
and you can’t or won’t stop it because you also feel
how inevitable it all is.

As if you are twenty thousand years old
but don’t know it yet.
And while going through the motions
it will eventually dawn on you.
That you are immortal, and none of this is new
or exceptionally tragic.
Life will go on.
But that seems to be the problem.

Life isn’t empty, but it’s also not guaranteed.
And it won’t make you wiser or stronger or more content
to accept this truth and live by its word.
It just makes you cautious,
and maybe a little more lonely.

And when you’ve finally given yourself
to someone, finally pried open your ribs to make room
for him – you will regret it.
Not because the pain of a breaking heart is so much
that you couldn’t bare to undergo it once more,
but because you probably won’t love anyone
like that ever again.
Not naturally at least.
You will argue and bargain with yourself
on almost a daily basis.
Convincing the more skeptical and reminiscent you
that this is the best it’s going to get.
That this has to be good enough.

And despite all of this, you will try.
You will fail, and try, and fail again.
Until the blood has been sucked
from your head and you are pale with your tail
between your legs and hardly a heart
at all.

i'm standing at
the edge

and the world is at
my feet

and it's waiting right under
my nose

just waiting for me
to leap

Hey, i havnt been on here in a while....but i have a kinda huge dilema that i need some outside opinions on.  So i was in a chat room about a month ago and i was there juse because i was bored.  Well instead i found my first love and now i am absolutely in love with this i guy i met.  He is three years older than me and he live in New York while i live in Indiana...but i truly love him.  He has seen pics of me and i have seen pics of him and i no he's not some internet creeper but my best friend cant seem to belive that.  I just dont know wat to do because i feel like he is a big part of my life now but i cant talk to my best friend about him.  I also wont be able to see him for three more years.  He is 18 and i am 15....he makes me soooo happy and ive had a rough life and still do...if u wanna no more just ask.   But im still confused if it wud be better to try and get out of this now while i still can....even tho i think its too late to turn back....or if i shud stick with it and see where things go.  Please help me if u can!!

Somewhere in the back of my mind I can see a young girl trying to break free of the cage that's kept her trapped for as long as she can remember. Tears are rolling down her face; she can't see the exit because of all of the redness in her eyes. When will it end? Will it end? The torture is too great for her to handle. She can't speak, but she can see; when she isn't seeing, she's hearing. What she hears is unpleasant and not worth repeating aloud to anyone, anywhere, at any time. More stress, more hardship. She hates it. She wants to let go, but she wants to hang on. There is the trap.

hold my hand dear i'm
getting wet feet and
i know it has been
awhile, quite awhile
but you make me want to
feel the way i used to
feel all over again.